I Am Not Worthy…

During this Holy Week I have been thinking about Jesus’ sacrifice for us all. Being able to go over the meaning of Holy Week with my children and teach it to sixth graders has helped me to meditate on the meaning of my beliefs, my faith, and Christianity.

Holy week is the culmination of all the events of Jesus’ passion, death, and ressurrection. It is the entire reason that we as Christians celebrate our faith in His Holy Name. Pondering upon the Lord’s passion and even discussing it and trying to bring it to life 2000 years later for my children and those children that other parents have entrusted to me as a teacher is not only humbling, but it brings me to great sadness every time I do it. I know that when they look at me my children think I’m crazy, and they think it is boring because it is the same old story over and over again. They look at me like I am crazy because while I am discussing it and bringing it down to a level they can understand, it pains me to think about what He had to go through for our salvation.

I have had the grace of being able to learn about the bible, not only read it, but learn about the culture of Jesus’ time and try to understand it. Through these lessons I wasn’t able to just come to a historic understanding of the bible and these “stories” but, grew to a deepened relationship with God. I feel SO lucky, so favored and because of this feel a profound sense of obligation, want, and longing to pass on this love I now feel to my own children. Would that at their current ages they could know what I now know. Would that this knowledge come to them  26, 29, and 32 years earlier than it did to me.

After meditating on Isaiah and John’s readings, I wonder would I have been given the grace of faith had I lived during Jesus’ time? Would I have had the courage to follow despite persecution? Would I have known and believed in my heart what I know now only because of other’s testimonies?

How vicious and cruel a death this divine man had to suffer and to be fully aware of all the events and yet love what he created so much…it is beyond me. His life, his agony, his death brings me to my knees because I know that I am not worthy no matter how hard I may try.

On this Good Friday, I can only thank you Jesus, my God, for loving me so much that you gave everything for me to believe. And I do believe in you, my Lord and Savior.

Is 52:13—53:12

See, my servant shall prosper,
he shall be raised high and greatly exalted.
Even as many were amazed at him
so marred was his look beyond human semblance
and his appearance beyond that of the sons of man
so shall he startle many nations,
because of him kings shall stand speechless;
for those who have not been told shall see,
those who have not heard shall ponder it.

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