How do I lose myself in the joy of my life and my family when someone else I’m so close to is hurting so badly? The answer is that I don’t. How do I live with the fact that this person and I started on the same path with the same hopes and dreams and now circumstances have dictated that life will take us down different paths?
The struggles are constantly weighing on my mind. Our decisions have led us in directions that have made our lives so different that I feel guilty for the utter content I have experienced in my life thus far. How one person must experience so much strife seems not only unfair it is beyond me and yet, it can also be understood as the result of life choices made. Either case is equally frustrating because there is no real help I can offer except to lend my ear and pray.
Today as I sit and look out my window I can see the hopeful futures of my children and sleep with some peace of mind that their walks of life are leading them to accomplish the happiness as parents we desire for them. Whatever their dreams–it could be college, or family, or career–I don’t know, but I see happiness for them. I see myself growing old with my husband with whom so far I have had the most wonderful life. I see us traveling together as we get older and enjoying our children and grandchildren.
My throat swells and my heart just completely aches for the beauty and spirit and soul of this person who is struggling. I want so badly to be able to fix things; to wave a wand and give her what I have and yet, am powerless. I wonder about our life experiences and how mine have been so easy in comparison. I wonder constantly when the other shoe is going to fall in my life. I wonder should I be faced with all the same struggles would I have been as strong? Would I have continued to be as filled with so much faith in God? Would I be able to continue to move forward on a daily basis? Would I be able to laugh? To be so generous? To continue to love and to provide for others? Would I?
I know this person does and is able to do all of things I wonder about being capable of if the tables were turned. The strength the Lord has provided to her amazes me. I can only thank God that she has been given the will and strength and spirit to overcome whatever life throws in her direction.