Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day just may be a review of how well I did all year long, almost like my report card. I love my children with all my heart and soul, and I’m pretty sure they love me but sometimes I feel mediocre. This morning, my beautiful daughter excitedly gave me her precious drawings and cards among them a list of things her mother always says, such as:

  • Go Brush your teeth.
  • Get up for school.
  • Go to bed.
  • Go wash your hands.
  • Go play outside.
  • Get dressed.
  • Eat your breakfast.
  • Clean up your mess.
  • Take a shower.

My heart sunk a little at the thought that her impression of me is one of “Mrs. Commands.” Incidentally she did write that I do always say:

  • I love you.
  • How was school?
  • Do you want to go shopping?

After I ate a wonderful breakfast made just for me with scrambled eggs, toast with jam, and milk, I went off to church where Fr. Henry gave a most beautiful sermon that really made me think about myself as a mother. He said that three ministers where talking about their favorite version of the bible. One said King James, one said the New American Standard, and the last one replied, “My favorite version is my mother’s because she teaches it and practices it everyday.”

As a mother, do I do enough? I cook for them, I try to keep a nice house, I make sure they have clean clothes and shoes on their feet, and I do my best to help them when they need it. But even though I do all these things and more I wonder if spend enough time with each of them letting them know how very important and special they are to me. Do they really know how much they matter to me? I don’t think they care about the laundry, or the how clean the house is, or that I planted a flower in the front to make the house seem “homey.”

As that minister whose favorite version of the bible is his mother’s version, I too want my children to love me because of who I am and how I made them feel, not what I told them to do. At the end of the day, I don’t want to be a series of commands in their lives going through the motions of being a caretaker. I want to be their mommy; I want them to know that I love them unconditionally; I want them to need me; I want them to want to talk to me and be with me as much I do my own mommy. I want them to feel as though I am important in their lives not just because I am their caretaker, but because I make them feel like they matter in my life. They do matter to me. My life would be so sad without any one of them in it. Jared’s sense of humor, Evelyn’s laughter, and Joshua’s little smile. I love them all so much. I hope next year’s report card reflects that I spent more time playing with them and having fun.

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